Work It! Work It!











{March 11, 2011}   Thoughts

I have been doing a LOT of thinking lately. Almost too much.

I’ve been working out, but sporadically. I also haven’t really kept track, but I know it was roughly 4 days last week.

Yesterday I did Fire 30 and Ab Burner.

 

I’m very torn.

On the one hand I want to finish the hybrid like it’s laid out and like I told myself I would. On the other hand my body is telling me it’s not ready. Every day after a HIIT work out my body feels so weak, every HIIT work out I feel weaker than the previous one. The work outs have become something I dread instead of something I love.

I don’t believe in anyway that it’s the program’s fault. I really feel these work outs work, I just don’t think I’m quite ready for something so intense.

I am going to finish the final month of the CX program, starting this week (yesterday.) It’s the lean phase.  After that I will start with a round of just TF. Hopefully by the second month of that I will be up to the challenge of a full month of HIIT work outs.  I am still going to use the TF work outs if I need a different cardio work out.

I think that allowing myself to go back to the work outs that I am mentally comfortable with (I know I can do 4 more weeks of CX) it will be easier for me to focus more on the diet to really get that right before I go on to harder work outs.

I already feel so much better mentally.

I also will go back to the one cheat day a week. I don’t know what that will entail, but it will probably be something along the lines of, 1 soda, 1 meal out (instead of all 3) and trying to eat a little lighter in the morning and afternoon, but not beating myself up if I don’t.  When I was doing that I may have only lost 7 lbs in the first month, but that’s 7 lbs. That’s moving in the right direction and that’s feeling really good about myself instead of making myself feel so bad because I’m not doing it perfectly.

I let what I was seeing from other people affect what I was doing. I saw people not having a cheat day, bragging about it and such, that I felt inferior. I felt that I could be doing better and I would not be really doing the program if I didn’t.  Silly me. I know what works for me. I know it from experience, so why do I let myself get wrapped up in what other people are doing?

I was so depressed this last week, all because of what I was telling myself. How I was judging myself. I let that, for months and weeks stop me from losing any weight at all. If I had stuck with what was working I could have lost more weight. But I didn’t. I’m happy that I maintained at 189 for this entire time, but I’m ready to get off my mental plateau and start being nice to myself again.

I do the same with my artwork. Letting other people tell me how much I should be painting, judging my level of productivity by what others are doing. Yes it’s good to improve, but I know that I need to do it in a loving, respectful way for myself. I can’t say I’m going to paint X number of hours then beat myself up so bad when I don’t that I don’t want to pick up a brush for a month.  It’s the same with diet and exercise.  If I make myself feel so bad about something I ate that I don’t want to eat healthy for several more days because I feel so bad, well what good does that do.

I know this is a lesson I need to relearn over and over until it becomes second nature. Sometimes I don’t realize what is going on until a few months have gone by.

 

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