Work It! Work It!

{March 16, 2011}   Week 9 Day 7

Everything was going pretty good until the weekend. ARRG.

So we are still at Joe’s mom’s. Her sister-in-law is coming to visit so we all cleaned over the weekend. (more on that later)

Joe’s mom banned me from cooking or otherwise using the kitchen. Yeah. WTF.  I get it, it just makes it really complicated for me. The first few days I did okay because we had just grocery shopped, but now we are out of food that does not involve cooking.   Plus Margaret plans on not only eating out the next couple of days (I will be spending a lot of time with Margaret and her sister-in-law) but she wants to go to places that are notorious in the Chicagoland area. As in, delicious, but will give you a heart attack. No healthy options.  It’s the kind of places where the salads have more calories than the burgers.

Now for the even worse news. I was doing great on my exercising. On Saturday, while I was cleaning, I spent a good chunk of time on my computer (I was scanning paper work to keep in a file or I was putting important info that I just scribbled on a piece of paper into a file on the computer and while I was doing that I decided to finally organize the whole mess.)

Unfortunately I do not have great posture when I am enthralled with what I am doing on a computer. I was hunched over for hours at a time.

You can imagine what this did to my back. I worked out on Monday anyway, thinking it may actually help just to move it around. I didn’t pull my back, it’s just really tight. Of course yesterday (Tuesday) I was in a lot of pain. The muscles were insanely tight all up and down my spine. My traps were like one giant diamond (both in shape and hardness.) Also, yesterday I was hunched over quite a bit while I was painting. It only added to it. Although I did put on some of those heat pad things that stick to you.  Unfortunately I bought the generic brand to save money and it was not the same.

I am considering doing the last strength work out. I don’t want to because I don’t want to pull my back/be in more pain, especially since tomorrow I will have to walk around the Zoo for most of the day. However, I really want to do the work out.  I didn’t do the cardio yesterday so I’m even more tempted to do the strength work out. Especially since I have a massage scheduled for tomorrow night.

I will decide after I work on the drawings I absolutely have to do today. If my back is not too bad after those then I will do the work out.  Since those must be done today (more in a minute) they get priority over the work out. Although I may still do the yoga work out. I have a great yoga for back care DVD by Rodney Yee, but that’s at the apartment.


Now for some other news. I have to go to my Grandma’s house for roughly 7 weeks.  I need to help with a few things. It came up pretty suddenly.  I will be traveling while I’m there (for 3 out of the 7 weeks) and I have an online class that I’m doing so there will be times when I have internet access, but for the most part I will not.  I will still be working out. I will be eating even better than I am now. (No awful food to tempt me except the delicious soda that they bottle down there, everyone is raised on it down there, i.e. born addicted.)

This will leave blogging as very low on priority list.  I will try to check in once a week, but I can’t guarantee it.

I will also be studying for a placement test and a CDL written test. I am going back to school for my Master’s (and possibly, eventually my Doctorate) in Art Therapy.  Sad news for me: I must take 5 more undergrad classes before I can start the Master’s. One of those being Statistics. I was under the impression that statistics would just be, ya know, statistics, but apparently it’s really hard and complicated.  Being an art major I did not have to do real math. I swear to you, with out any exaggeration at all, in the one college level math class that I took, we did not do one math problem.  It was art math (which cracks Margaret up to no end.) We played some games where we discussed probability and odds in theory and we talked about the GOLDEN RATIO which is a bit of a small obsession with me.

Long story, not so short, I have to teach myself pre-Algebra and algebra before the summer. If I’m quick I may also be able to teach myself calc too, but I don’t think so.  I have not done algebra for 13 years. I was bad at it then.  I never tried calc.  Here’s hoping I can place into a college level math so I only have to do 2 semesters of school before my master’s.

I am applying for a bus driver job to support me over the next year of classes so I must get a CDL permit in order to drive the chil’en’s around.

I mentioned the for fun online writing class I signed up for when my life seems like I would never have anything to do ever again, right?

I also promised Margaret the illustrations for her children’s book would be finished 3 months from the last week in February.

OH and I really wanted to sign up for volunteering at the VA (2 weeks ago when I still had no plans for the future.)   I am still going to do that, but I just have to see if I can start the process at the St. Louis VA so that when I come back in 2 months I can just start working with the Vets.

I was really excited for that.

It is nice to feel like there’s a purpose/goal again, I just wish it hadn’t coincided with some crazy stuff going on at the home front.  Not to mention the 3 trips that were already planned, well in advance.

Yeah, now that it’s all down on “paper” (I wonder what that saying is going to change to when no one actually uses paper any more) I’m pretty sure I will not be making the internet a priority at all outside of my already paid for online class.  I will probably just post if there are any dramatic body changes.


{March 12, 2011}   Week 11 Day 2

Actually this should probably be week 9 Day 2 since I’ve switched back to just CX and there’s only 12 weeks in that program.

Breakfast: Bacon and Egg scramble

395 + one extra egg (80)


(it was supposed to be an extra egg white, but that didn’t happen)

Snack 1:

10 grapes, one small orange, one cheddar cheese stick:

35+45+90 = 170

I also reread the Fuel The Fire book and realized I should be adding 3 oz of meat to my dinner and an extra snack. That was probably why I was starving so much. And my therapist said I wasn’t really hungry. Pssh

Lunch: Shakeology

190 plus pb 180 and small banana 90


12 Almonds


Small Orange


Total: 1105

Burger King Whopper with Fries and a Sprite

I had a nice big bowl of weight watcher’s chili ready to go, but then Joe had a panic attack. It was pretty bad and the pain was such that he wanted to make sure it wasn’t a heart attack so we went to the emergency room. I had to give my chili to Joe’s brother. I’m glad it was enjoyed by someone.

I have decided  that I am going to find a vegetable soup recipe for before dinner (instead of a salad) and I am making my weight watcher’s chili to have as a snack as well. It’s very filling and delicious.  I also figure that, with the soup, if I cook some chicken, when I do the shakeology cleanse again, I can have the soup and chicken for dinner instead of a salad, which I hate.  Perfect.

I don’t know if it’s the self-hypnosis app I listened to last night, but I am in a better mood than I have been in, in at least a week. Maybe the Wellbutrin is finally kicking in (although I don’t know about that.) Maybe I’m just so flippin’ relieved to stop the hybrid and go back to doing what works for me with my eating.  Why was I fighting myself so much?  The therapist makes some good points too.



Lean Circuit 1

Wow. This is a killer arm work out. So intense. I loved it, but damn were my arms tire after the first few exercises. It was just never ending. But in a good way.


{March 11, 2011}   Thoughts

I have been doing a LOT of thinking lately. Almost too much.

I’ve been working out, but sporadically. I also haven’t really kept track, but I know it was roughly 4 days last week.

Yesterday I did Fire 30 and Ab Burner.


I’m very torn.

On the one hand I want to finish the hybrid like it’s laid out and like I told myself I would. On the other hand my body is telling me it’s not ready. Every day after a HIIT work out my body feels so weak, every HIIT work out I feel weaker than the previous one. The work outs have become something I dread instead of something I love.

I don’t believe in anyway that it’s the program’s fault. I really feel these work outs work, I just don’t think I’m quite ready for something so intense.

I am going to finish the final month of the CX program, starting this week (yesterday.) It’s the lean phase.  After that I will start with a round of just TF. Hopefully by the second month of that I will be up to the challenge of a full month of HIIT work outs.  I am still going to use the TF work outs if I need a different cardio work out.

I think that allowing myself to go back to the work outs that I am mentally comfortable with (I know I can do 4 more weeks of CX) it will be easier for me to focus more on the diet to really get that right before I go on to harder work outs.

I already feel so much better mentally.

I also will go back to the one cheat day a week. I don’t know what that will entail, but it will probably be something along the lines of, 1 soda, 1 meal out (instead of all 3) and trying to eat a little lighter in the morning and afternoon, but not beating myself up if I don’t.  When I was doing that I may have only lost 7 lbs in the first month, but that’s 7 lbs. That’s moving in the right direction and that’s feeling really good about myself instead of making myself feel so bad because I’m not doing it perfectly.

I let what I was seeing from other people affect what I was doing. I saw people not having a cheat day, bragging about it and such, that I felt inferior. I felt that I could be doing better and I would not be really doing the program if I didn’t.  Silly me. I know what works for me. I know it from experience, so why do I let myself get wrapped up in what other people are doing?

I was so depressed this last week, all because of what I was telling myself. How I was judging myself. I let that, for months and weeks stop me from losing any weight at all. If I had stuck with what was working I could have lost more weight. But I didn’t. I’m happy that I maintained at 189 for this entire time, but I’m ready to get off my mental plateau and start being nice to myself again.

I do the same with my artwork. Letting other people tell me how much I should be painting, judging my level of productivity by what others are doing. Yes it’s good to improve, but I know that I need to do it in a loving, respectful way for myself. I can’t say I’m going to paint X number of hours then beat myself up so bad when I don’t that I don’t want to pick up a brush for a month.  It’s the same with diet and exercise.  If I make myself feel so bad about something I ate that I don’t want to eat healthy for several more days because I feel so bad, well what good does that do.

I know this is a lesson I need to relearn over and over until it becomes second nature. Sometimes I don’t realize what is going on until a few months have gone by.


{March 11, 2011}   Week 10 Day 3

I am half way through the program. When I go a few days with out working out my body lets me know I need to get back to it. I like that feeling.  I like that my body is telling me what it needs.

I forgot to mention yesterday, on Wednesday I was back at my apartment and I weighed myself. I am at 189.4. So at least I was pretty much able to maintain. I’ll take that. Now I’m excited to see what happens this month when I go all out.

Exercise: HIIT 20

I was supposed to do Tone 30 too, but it’s on the same disk as my Sculpt 30 and I noticed today there’s a deep scratch. I did not do this because this is only the second time I used it and it messed up last time too. I just never turned it over to check it out.

HIIT 20 is so much better than HIIT 15. Okay, not so much better, but it’s an improvement. It is actually only 2 minutes longer than the HIIT 15 and the HIITs are about a minute instead of 30 seconds. It goes by much faster.

The next time I need to do a sculpt or tone work out I am going to do the Burn Circuit 1.  That should cover it.


*edit: I didn’t realize I left this as a draft so, sorry.

{March 5, 2011}   Week 10 Day 2

I took yesterday off as my rest day so that was 4 days off in a row from exercise. I felt pretty sick the last few days and yesterday was the first time I felt decent.  I don’t know what was going on with my body, but it seems to have cleared up. It was so weird. I had nausea all three days, a major headache the second day, then on the third day I felt like I was getting a cold. My head and throat were just achy and my whole body felt like it had taken a few punches. Yesterday I felt like it could go either way so I took it easy.

Today’s exercise was Stretch 40. Much needed. Especially since I spent all day cleaning out my laptop, back hunched over.

This has to be the second week of month 3. I would have started the week over again, but I remembered that you are only supposed to do the HIIT work outs for a limited time.  If you do them more than a month your body starts to break down.  I did both the required HIIT work outs last week and I did one the week before.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking today. This month is really important to my weight loss. Actually the next three months are.  I HAVE to start eating better.  I lost focus last month (well two months since it took me that long to finish month 2.)

I recalculated my calorie intake and I will be eating 1700-2200 calories a day.  If I eat 1700 then I will lose 2lbs a week. That means a rough total of 30 lbs of weight loss for the program. If I eat 2200 that’s  1 lb a week for a total of roughly 20 lbs.  Either number I will be happy with. The bottom line is that I have to do it. I have to figure out how to eat healthy and fill up.

This month, the work outs are going to be very hard for me. Why would I waste all that hard work?

I’m not sure what direction this blog is going to go.  I am going back to counting my calories, but I don’t want to have to go online every time I eat something. That leads to much less productivity during my day. If I keep track of my food in a paper journal I won’t want to do double duty by then putting it all here. Or maybe I will. I don’t know.  My meals are probably going to be pretty boring. I’m sure it will continue to be oatmeal/eggs in the morning, eggs and milk as a snack, shakeology for lunch, and the cranberry/nuts/V8 for a snack.  The only thing that will probably change up is what I eat between that and dinner. Dinner will be either chicken or fish with broccoli, cauliflower, or green beans plus a baked potato or brown rice.  I will most likely have a hot chocolate for a bed time snack.

I really just need to do what is going to work for me.

The great news is that the weather is getting warmer. I am looking forward to walks outside.

So we will see how this blog develops. I’m really going to focus this month and get down to business. I have to get back to the point where I know that if I eat 1700-2200 calories a day and do my work outs I will lose weight. I am back to that point. So that’s what I’m going to do. If I’m starving, I will eat 2200 calories and I will make sure they are healthy calories.


Maybe I will start looking for a healthy veggie soup to have before dinner (instead of a salad) That should help.

{March 1, 2011}   Week 9 Day 6

It started out as just a way to get off the internet for most of the day, but then I found it harder and harder to come back.

Except for yesterday and today I have been really good about getting up early and working out first thing.

Yesterday I felt off all day. A little sick to my stomach, a little not right. I ended up curled on the couch for most of the day, reading or napping.

Today is more of the same plus a headache. I woke up early with a painful head and went back to sleep, hoping to sleep it off.


I also have a strange sense of being overwhelmed. Everything is too much.

I plan on doing yoga later tonight and tomorrow is Fire 55 EZ.

Right now, it’s time for a shower and to take the short walk to the mail box, hoping some fresh air will help me out.

{March 1, 2011}   Week 9 Day 1 (part 2)

It’s not pretty folks.

I did not do anything today.  I slept in for starters. My work out partner having to get up and go out of state for a symposium left me with no motivation to crawl out of bed.  I thought I would work out on my own when I got up, but I was lying to myself.

Not only did I take a rest day, but in turn I went and got McDonald’s breakfast. I borrowed Joe’s brother’s car and took off.  That was around 10am. I did not eat again until 2:30 pm. I had 2 bowls (for a total of one can) of tomato soup.  I added to these bowls one whole stack of saltine crackers (unsalted tops).  I actually ate the second bowl faster than the first.

I truly feel like this must be what teenage boys feel like. What Joe must feel like.  As I mentioned in the other post, I feel sad that I am not taking advantage of this jump start to my metabolism.  I’m working on a way to figure it out. I just don’t know how to do it in the most efficient manner, so of course I am doing it in the most inefficient (at least when it comes to weight loss) manner. It’s rather efficient in the manner of filling me up.

et cetera