Work It! Work It!











{January 26, 2011}   The Food That Wasn’t.

Yesterday I was freaking out a bit.

I felt I did really good all week and didn’t want to stop the roll I was on. I don’t know why it was so important yesterday than it has been in weeks past. I’m not sure it was a good thing. I had Xanax later in the evening and calmed down enough to realize that even if I ate the McDonald’s breakfast I normally eat and the Panera lunch I could still eat a light dinner and come in under 1800 calories. Would it be the healthiest calories? No. But not every day can be perfect and if I start freaking out about what I am eating then it’s not going to be fun/healthy/good any more. I know that the main reason I was freaking out was because of the Dr. apt and the cute puppy being killed by the neighbor’s dogs.  I also didn’t want to use the Dr’s or associated stress as an excuse to eat poorly.

I couldn’t figure out if I was trying to make life easier on myself by eating McDonald’s or if I was just looking for a way to be allowed. I think that since I freaked out so much at the thought of it I was not looking for an excuse. I mean, if I wanted it bad enough I could just go eat it. But sometimes getting up that early, I need something to look forward to. I wish it wasn’t food. Soon it won’t be, but I still need to be patient with myself.

I shouldn’t have worried so much though because we didn’t even go to McDonald’s. Well we did, we just didn’t eat. The drive thru line was crazy so we decided to run inside and get it to go.  We opened the door and the 2nd worst smell I have ever experienced hit me right in the face. I wish I could say this in a more polite way, but I don’t believe I can get the message across. It smelled like Shit.  Not like someone passed gas and it was just a bit smelly.  It was so bad that I could not wait the 2 minutes to order my food and leave. I had to turn around and go.  I could not believe it. I still can’t. WTF.  We made it about 30 seconds before I told Joe we had to leave.

We ended up eating at Au Ba Pain or however it’s spelled. It was good, but I am sure I ate worse there than I would have at McDonald’s.  I had a Mt. Dew and a cinnamon roll with an egg and cheese cibbata. Although I did not eat all my food at Panera later.

I don’t know about a work out tonight. It’s mine and Joe’s 4 yr anniversary. He said he wanted to do something even though we are going to go to a show on Friday (a Super Mario Bros. Burlesque show! I’m so excited!)  I could work out right now.  I’m just not sure how committed I am today. It’s been a long and exhausting day. It’s only 323pm.  I’m not sure how I feel about the dr. apt. I kind of just want to take a second rest day this week. Although I have been known to change my mind before. If we stay in I’m sure I will work out. If we go out I’m sure I would rather focus on my boyfriend and our day than worry about missing a work out. Maybe I can get him to take me for some lobster. LOL.mmmmm

Some days my fight for solid mental health wears me down more than others. I knew today would be one of those days, I had just hoped it wouldn’t be.

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